Election Day

College students lurk on street corners, soliciting themselves with glossy pamphlets in the white-collared costume of professionals. They spread their propaganda with the zeal of a wildfire, passing buttons in every classroom, slapping stickers in every hallway, and posting billboard-sized picket signs broad, twisted trunk of oak. They stake their territory and, in polished heels and starched pants, defend their claims.

The pinnacle of March Madness. The peak of political pressure. It’s no time to play nice. The claws are coming out.

Today is Election Day for LSU’s student government.

Tensions are high.

Candidates are strung out on caffeine pills and fueled by watered-down coffee and Winn-Dixie Danishes. They’ve been riding a three-week-long roller coaster of sleepless nights, underscored by campaign agendas and careful plotting. They cling to their ticket affiliation with an almost fanatical fervor. They intrude on the personal boundaries of passers-by, their arms flailing with campaign material, garnering votes with desperate pleas.

It’s beautiful psychosis.

For those students who rarely participate in politics on a national level, this local taste can be too much.

I should be out there campaigning right now.

So instead of being subtle, I’ll just cut the crap and say vote for me for UCFY Senator on the Palermo-Hathorn ticket. Log onto PAWS Do it. I can give the LSU political process a run for its money.

All right. I have done enough shameless campaigning for one day.